Learning to Wait

I showed up to church on Sunday—just kinda there.

People went out of their way to say hello to me. When asked how I was, I complained about being tired and said I had a rough week. When asked about the new job, I complained about the training I “had to go through.”

When worship started, I went to the altar, placed my hands on the stage, and bowed my head. Even then, I struggled to focus on God. Even that was not as powerful as it usually is. So I went back to my seat and waited.

Then God showed up. Not that He wasn’t already there, but as Pastor Joe began preaching, it was, as usual, exactly what I needed to hear.

I am so quick to become ungrateful. So quick to start complaining and comparing. It’s usually in those moments that I hear exactly what I need to know.

Because the truth is, I’m not ready.
The truth is, He is at work.
The truth is, if I had everything I wanted, I’d probably lose it because I wouldn’t know what to do with it.

The truth is, as I sit in the back of the cave, I am much more like those men who were telling David to kill Saul:
“He’s right there! He’s vulnerable! He’s alone!”

And being like them is not who God wants me to be.

It’s easy to forget where I was almost two years ago when I first walked into GraceLife. It’s easy to get lost in the world and be tempted. Because had David killed Saul, he would have been giving in to sin.

But being called is worth far more than anything the world has to offer.

So I will wait.
I will listen.
I will seek God before I seek anything else.

I will try to see waiting not as punishment, as I have been doing, but as instruction.