2 Years Ago

2 years ago 2 years ago I made a public declaration of my faith in Jesus and laid to rest my former self. I remember that day well. I was terrified. My biggest fear was what would my family would think? They were mostly absent from my life yet their disapproval weighed heavily on me. In typical Samantha fashion I made it even more public by putting Pastor Joe’s words, “Jesus is my Rabbi,” on a t-shirt and wearing it to the event. But deep down I was very afraid.

What would this new life look like? Would I be happy? Does God really want me? What about the music I listen to? The movies I watch? The things I “enjoy?” And what about my past, my trauma and my mistakes? Does the slate just get wiped clean? What is Grace really about?

I don’t have all the answers yet. I still have questions. But it was on my heart today to tell you what I do know without a question. Yes God really wants me. So much so that his only Son died for me. And yes, the slate has been wiped clean by Jesus’ death and resurrection. And yes, my taste in music and movies and the things I once enjoyed have completely changed. This walk isn’t as much of a “flip of the light switch” moment as I thought it would be. Most times it’s a flicker of a lamp with a dying bulb that you keep forgetting to change. A light that “randomly” turns on to remind you it’s there, which isn’t random at all. It’s working a 8 hour day and forgetting to get light bulbs on the way home, yet the lamp still flickers. It still shines. It still lights up the darkness. Even just for a moment, to remind you it’s there, and that it matters.