Sunday Reflections

We talked on Sunday about access to God and were asked if we have ever felt like God was silent? Like somehow access equals absence. Like if we can’t hear Him, He isn’t there. We were also asked, in my humble opinion, a much more important question… “are you listening?”

I can tell you I never was. I can tell you that I made sure the noise of my life was so loud, so chaotic, so insane, intentionally, so I didn’t have to. I made choices, that I would argue with anyone who would listen and some who didn’t care to, that I was a victim. But I made choices that guaranteed I couldn’t hear Him. And when I was sure it couldn’t get any louder, I stayed. In places and with people where I was sure, He wouldn’t find me. I ran from His call on my life until I could run no more. I screamed until I ran out of breath. I did everything in my power to avoid His call, until 2 years ago, when I realized the power was never mine to begin with.

I hated quiet. Silence. Even now, most of the time I have music playing. Although now it’s worship music. Because that’s how I first learned how to listen not to God, but for God. Now I don’t fear the quiet. I don’t mind the silence. I don’t doubt Gods presence. I don’t question His existence. And more importantly I am beginning not to question my own. I don’t have it all figured out. In fact, I am currently going through one of the hardest times in my life. But I have a church, a family, a God who gave His Son for me. So when He calls, by grace alone I recognize the sound. And with love, I answer